Going on 3 years post op I’m still hostage to hormone fluctuations but it’s not all bad! Feeling well is not a destination. I’m never going to feel well every day, that is a myth and legend and just unattainable. This no longer really upsets me though.
I think we have been sold a bill of goods that is for things that just don’t exist. Now do I think that means we can’t feel well? Or happy? Healthy? No, not at all. It means that we shouldn’t expect it to be a constant. Considering all that we must face in our day to day lives, all the stress, all the agony, all the choices and decisions we have to make every day feeling well is always going to be at the mercy of it all.
So why do we keep pushing ourselves and telling ourselves we are failing if we are not happy and feel like we can take on the world every day? Because the media and so many people tell us that’s what we need to strive for. They are wrong. If you are pushing and pushing yourself to feel happy and well, do you think that you actually will? I know I don’t. It makes me stress more. It’s unattainable. It’s a lie. Yes they are lying to you.
Should you stop doing what you can to feel well or happy? Of course not, but you shouldn’t destroy yourself or your self esteem to try to get to a destination that doesn’t exist. When I ease up on myself, my mental well being and my overall happiness is actually satisfying. I hurt physically and some days I’m just plain miserable, but all in all, I’m satisfied where I am and that brings me the most peace of mind.
I’m not trying to get to happy, I’m trying to enjoy happy when it exists in my life. I’m trying to find the joy and spark on the days I have the energy and ability. And I’m telling myself on the days I don’t that it’s alright.
I’m forgiving myself for being human, flawed, and ill because it’s simply the human condition.
I’m not going to stop the things that may help me, I’m just not going to feel a failure when they don’t always work. I didn’t fail.